Woman Wise 04/21/2006

Slowing the Pace
by Deb Wells (dhwells@ctpost.com)

We were like the tulips that served as the focal point for our circle - the petals on a few were a bit more open, while others stayed closed - reserved.

The retreat, organized by Carole Jacoby's LifeVisions, was billed as a day long event designed for mid-life transitioners. Held at the Mercy Center in Madison - a spot well known to those who seek moments of solitude to work through life's journey - we were encouraged to take full advantage of the serenity of the property.

Gathered in a meeting room that gave view to the calming water, we - a group of 12 ladies who ranged in age from mid-40s to 60 - came together to address that shift in one's life often punctuated by divorce, job-change, empty-nest syndrome, disease or just plain discontent.

We moved around the circle, taking a minute to describe ourselves - where we were in life, maybe where we'd been or where we'd yet to go.

"It's not how I expected it to be," said one participant, adding, "I'm not how I expected to be."

One woman spoke of caring for a parent in addition to caring for her own growing family, while another talked of dealing with letting go of older children.

A few of the women were in the beginning stages of divorce, dealing with rejection or confusion, afraid to take the next step toward wholeness. Others offered consolation as they had been down that path and now felt "a step closer to wholeness."

The expectations of the event were summed up by a few who announced that they would like to remain "open to the gifts of the day."

"Breathe deeply," said Jacoby, our facilitator and fellow mid-lifer, as she led us through an exercise designed to relax and slow the mind and body.

"Breathe deeply," she repeated "and allow yourself to be in-the-moment."

Forgotten were the morning traffic jams, the responsibilities, the medical test results, the job hunting - threads of life left to dangle while we stopped time, only to be picked up later, perhaps with greater insight and compassion.

Sufficiently calmed and energized by the meditative exercises and each other, Jacoby asked each of us to stand by a sign, marked with a word or phrase that she hoped would "describe where you are at this time in your life." The signs - "Friendship," "Coming to Terms," "Menopause," "Physical Appearance," "Spirituality," and "Wholeness," were intended as a starting point for finding ourselves. The majority of the group moved toward the friendship sign, maybe with an unstated goal of finding others to offer support or provide an attentive ear. Three of us chose "Coming to Terms." For me, it seemed the most logical - in fact, from where I sit, everything in life could be hung beneath a "coming to terms" banner.

From there the day, like a leisurely stroll, meandered through a series of interactive exercises and opportunities for self-discovery. Our minds were open, accepting small pieces of information by way of conversation or through our own enlightenment.

One exercise, gently guided by Jacoby, elicited a consideration on where we might be at this time based on a "seasons" concept originated by Carol L. McClelland.

In "summer" one would feel clear and confident, as well as abundant. It is a time, according to McClelland and echoed by Jacoby, to savor your success, celebrate and play.

But in "early winter" you might feel tired or confused, even to the point that you find yourself avoiding social events and interactions. Jacoby was quick to instruct us to use the model, not as a judgment, but instead as a tool for self-discovery.

And so the day progressed. There were no jarring moments of realization, no cluttering of the brain. Instead, Jacoby provided a gentle nudging toward self-acceptance, a reminder to be good to yourself and move with grace and intent toward your goals.

By day's end, all of the tulips had opened to the light and "the gifts of the day."

©Connecticut Post 2002